A short story on dissociation. Could be triggering. If you need to stay safe, don’t read this right now. Instead click here: let’s watch a video on a dog that won’t listen.
So my post today is just on being triggered so easily. So innocently. It’s so messed up. I was taking a shower this morning, and bumped myself with my wedding ring in…a sensitive area… A normal person would just say “Ow” and move on with their lives. But not me. I found myself stuck in the shower, alternating between the pain I feel now, and being back in 1984. On his bed, where he has done something to me to cause this sort of pain that I just replicated. What the hell was he doing to me? I was on my back, staring at the ceiling. Sort of drifting off to the corner. I never watched him, instead choosing to pull myself deep into my own mind, while at the same time, moving away from my own body. But there was a sharp pain that jolted me out of that. I remember saying, “Ouch,” or something to that effect, and he paused. Handed me my purple plastic beaded necklace and told me to bite on it, when it was bad. He asked me if he could continue, and I said yes, grinding that necklace between my teeth, pulling back up and away from the pain he’s causing. My whole body is throbbing and I can’t claw away fast enough. My necklace is crushed with teeth marks. I am here, I am there. I’m still in the shower and the water’s getting cold. The person that’s stuck in 1984 can’t move to turn off the water in 2012. It’s a long miserable shower. Ruined by my own memory. It pisses me off. He ruins everything.
